People, People, People

Warning: This is brutally honest.

Today I find myself thinking about this strange verse in the book of Proverbs:

Where no oxen are, the manger is clean.  Proverb 14:4

It causes me to realize and remember something very important.  When you have a gathering of animals you will have messes to deal with.  Fair enough? 

It also causes me to realize as a pastor that when you deal with people you will also have messes to deal with.  And the reality is that people relations can be the most difficult thing in the world to navigate through.

There are two very important promises I will make about myself:

1. I will do my best to live at peace with all men, by speaking the truth in love, by giving and receiving correction and instruction, by working through messes in a timely fashion, and striving to hold short accounts and let things go.

2. I will blow it trying to fulfill #1.

Now that we have that out of the way . . .

I would love to say that I have mastered relationships and being a pastor, friend, family person, etc.  But, that is simply not true.  Very few things in life cause struggle quite like interpersonal relationships.  Some things are inevitable.

-- Feelings will get hurt.  Been on both sides of that.
-- Misunderstandings will happen.  Too many to recount here in this blog.
-- Apologies only go as far as actions support.

Day in and day out dealings with people can turn hair gray or like me make it fall out.  From a natural standpoint we are bent toward being people pleasers.  From a spiritual standpoint we are created in the image of God who fully embodies love.  Therefore, most of our relational lives are built between these two tensions.  We want to please people while loving them as God does.  I find more and more that THIS SIMPLY ISN'T POSSIBLE.

So, I boil it down to a few things that I am hearing God speak to me over and over concerning relationships.  Here is my directive, plan and proposed commitment.

1. I will grow in loving myself so that I can fulfill God's call to love my neighbor as myself.  My issues with and toward others stem from my issues with myself.

2. I will work to always speak the truth in love.  When the pendulum swings too far either direction it is not beneficial to anyone.

3. I will not assume anything or tie anyone to their past.  When you assume the worst about someone you will never bring out the best in them.

4. I will hold short accounts.  There is no reason for me to continually revisit things I say are over.  If I revisit I have obviously neither repented nor forgiven.

5. I will see the potential in everyone.  Several people saw potential in me and everyone is deserving of someone believing in them.

6. I will not base my opinion about someone on what others say to me about them, but will take the time to get to know them for myself.

7. I will be willing to invest into the lives of anyone who will allow me that privilege, never taking for granted how precious that opportunity is, and never taking that person for granted.

8. I will celebrate victories with people and never become jealous or upset when those I have invested in surpass me in recognition, position, honor, etc.

9. I will allow others to correct me, hold me accountable, and tell me "NO."  I do not need "YES" men surrounding me.  I will welcome confrontation when I need it.

10. I will guard my tongue and watch my cutting sarcasm, knowing that there are passive aggressive tendencies in my life and at times behind my words.

None of these will be easy always.  Yet, all of them are definitely necessary.  I love people.  I love relationships.  And I value them enough to do my part to make them the best they can be.