Today I find myself in a contemplative and reflective mood. I am thinking about all of the wonderful things that God has done for me while also reflecting on some things I personally wish had gone differently.
What do I mean?
Have you ever prayed for and believed God for something and then had it turn out differently than you hoped or wanted? I am pretty sure all of you would say yes and so you know what I mean.
There are times in life when you feel as though you know without question what is best and the only person that seems to not agree with you is God. Those moments are frustrating as He ultimately has the final say. You see, I can tell God what I want. I can tell God what I think. But I can't tell God what to do. At times with my personality that is a very tough pill to swallow.
I will never forget the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach when my nephew passed away on Christmas Day 1997. It was the most gut wrenching moment of my life both up to that point and since. You see, I had just recently given my life to God and made a commitment to serve Him and preach His Word. I was in the middle of a wonderful time with God in my life and I was training for ministry service in the midst of the greatest church revival in our day. Surely with all that I knew God could do it was no big deal to find my nephew and best friend to have cancer. Because I knew that the Bible said “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26) I had no reason to think or believe otherwise.
So I prayed and I believed. I fasted and I believed. I worshiped and I believed. I laid hands on and believed. Then I stood and wept at his casket. In my young Christian mind something didn't add up. What had just happened? Where did God go? Why did He let me down?
I remember feeling so dejected and disappointed. I remember thinking that I was a fool for ever believing God could do something that with man truly was impossible. I found myself questioning everything I had just started to truly believe. i was at a crossroads in my life and I didn't know what to do about it.
So I began to read the Bible more fervently. I told God I desperately needed Him to help me make sense of things. I missed Matt. for 19 years we had done nearly everything together. I wasn't sure how to operate without knowing he was there. I asked God if He had any idea what I was feeling. Know what? He did know. And He showed me that He understood. My life changed when I read this:
Now when Jesus heard about John, He withdrew from there in a boat to a secluded place by Himself; and when the people heard of this, they followed Him on foot from the cities. When He went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and felt compassion for them and healed their sick. Matthew 14:13-14
Jesus had just heard about the beheading of his cousin John the Baptist. They had grown up together and spent lots of time together. They had a bond as relatives that cannot be manufactured. And, when Jesus heard that John had did He withdrew to be alone. He withdrew because He was sad. He withdrew because for the first time in His life He was going to be without his cousin.
But Jesus didn't get trapped in His time of mourning and sadness. He ministered to others who were in need. He continued to do what He had been created to do. I learned a valuable lesson in those 2 verses - LIFE IS NOT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO US BUT LIFE IS ABOUT HOW WE RESPOND TO WHAT HAPPENS TO US.
From that day on I have dedicated myself to doing everything I can to help people. I want to have a positive impact on everyone I come into contact with. I want to be moved with compassion for others and help them find the healing they need.
As much as I miss my nephew - my best friend - I am thankful for the important lesson I learned after he was gone. I learned the value of pressing on and doing what I am made to do. And you can do the same. I cannot personally relate to whatever it is that you feel like God didn't do your way. But I can relate in a general sense. I have been there. I do know the desire to freeze up or give up in the moment of despair and disappointment.
But I also know that I am a better person for what I have experienced. And I know that God has comforted me time and again in the midst of difficulty and disappointment. As I was reading the Bible this morning, I once again was reminded of this important calling that I MUST FULFILL:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
God is sovereign. God is supreme and the ultimate authority. We will never fully understand His ways. God will never be predictable but He will always be trustworthy. He will always be there for YOU even if it feels He wasn't there for the SITUATION.
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