I recently conducted a survey among pastors about the mistakes we often make in ministry. In the survey I gave twelve mistake options and asked the ministers to rank them in the order in which they made these mistakes or saw them being made. I was pleased with the number of responses, and the honesty with which many shared their mistakes. There were also a few comments left on the survey as well in addition to the ranking of the mistakes. What I will do is briefly list those which ranked from twelfth to seventh place. After that I will share some comments from the survey. I will then conclude with the top six mistakes and a summary of each of those mistakes made in ministry.
12. Not taking myself seriously enough. Not many in ministry have much of a problem with this one. :)
11. Not having a hobby. I was concerned this one would rank higher. I was pleased to see it does not. Unfortunately, I struggle in this area.
10. Taking myself too seriously. Interesting to see that self does not rank highly among those who were polled.
9. False assumptions. I cannot tell you how many times this one has gotten me into trouble.
8. Setting wrong goals. I heard Tommy Tenney say once that many times we find ourselves racing toward false finish lines.
7. Paying too much attention to money. It can be very easy as a pastor to view yourself as a hireling and get focused on what you do or do not make in your job. This trap is often bigger than many realize or care to admit.
Some feedback comments:
This was "difficult to do. None of these are good. Most are 'little sins' that would be easily overlooked."
"Working too many hours during the week and not giving enough time to sleep and body recharging."
"Majoring in minors. Failure to delegate."
"Letting my personal experiences as a church kid define what I would and wouldn't do as a pastor."
"Not understanding how to motivate people is my frustration."
"Being sloppy or inconsistent."
"Allowing other folk's opinions to define me."
Now we get to the top six responses. I realize this list of twelve is not all inclusive. Some things that we do wrong we would never want to see on a survey and have to admit to doing. :) Nonetheless, I feel this gives a nice snapshot of what goes on in the hearts and lives of ministers.
6. Putting unfair expectations on others.
I have come to realize that while I will always have wishes, hopes and desires for others, I only have the right to put expectations on myself. I do not ever want people to feel like they cannot live up to what I expect. Instead I want them to understand and realize their potential. Expectations is about the here and now, but hopes and desires is about the future and where a person is going. As a leader, it is my privilege to help people realize their potential and begin to expect more of themselves. When I get that wrong, and place unrealistic expectations on them, I find the effectiveness diminishes greatly. And the person often resists or pulls away. Expectations focus on efficiency. Hopes and desires focus on effectiveness. People need my effectiveness with them more than my efficiency with them.
5. Giving place to a competitive spirit or attitude.
We wrestle not against flesh and blood. However, we are supposed to wrestle in harmony with flesh and blood against the kingdom of darkness. A minister friend of mine told me about a gentlemen in his general area who was beginning a new church. He decided it was a good idea to call the existing church and say, "You've got competition!" How ludicrous. There is no place for that in the Kingdom of God.
This attitude and desires stems from such a strong focus on numbers and results, and it does nothing but feed the natural man's ego. In a cutthroat, competitive world, Jesus would be only an average leader for having only discipled twelve men - especially when you consider one of them sold Him out. We base our success on what we do. However, in God our success is based on who we are in Him. When I do my part to exalt Jesus, and you do your part to exalt Him, we are both successful. Neither is more nor less. I should never want to succeed more than you. I should desire to succeed with you.
4. Poor time management.
I probably do not have time to address this one. :) Much of my problem in this area is devoting too much time to the unimportant and not enough time to the important. Or, I can swing completely the other way and get so bogged down with tasks that I fail to give myself place and time for fun. I often heard it said that what gets prioritized gets accomplished. Although my weekly to-do list never gets completely checked off, there are things each week that always get done because of the priority they are given.
I had a friend once who said that on his to-do list he always puts, "Go to the bathroom." That way he knows that at least one thing per day will be checked off his list. An ongoing frustration in ministry can be that so many of the things we do are not able to be checked off a list. Many of them have no true end, but serve as an ongoing reminder of our calling. The organized and efficient side to us can get bogged down in that respect, causing us to simply let things go undone.
3. Allowing ministry to define me.
I said before and will say again. We are not defined by what we do, we are defined by who we are. The problem is that this is a hard pill to swallow. I have had to learn, relearn, and learn again the importance of putting my relationship with God above my results for God. Before I am a minister, I am a human being and a man of God. I have to realize that in my humanity, within the context of who He has made me to be, He is able to reveal His divinity. The danger I find in allowing ministry to define me is that I find myself trying to do it all on my own and in my own strength. It then begins to shift from a call to minister to a self-imposed call to be ministry. In other words, I can quickly develop a Messiah complex by thinking the Kingdom rests upon my shoulders, and if I do not do enough in ministry hell will win.
Jesus already defeated every bit of that struggle. I do not have to be shaped by my service, He has shaped me for His service.
2. Not spending enough time with family.
I was riveted by the words I once heard from a very successful, extremely recognizable pastor. He said that when his son was about to graduate high school he asked him what he wanted from his parents as a gift. His son said, "I don't care, pastor, whatever you think." The dad quickly said, "Don't call me pastor. I am your dad." To that the son replied, "I am sorry. I only know you as pastor."
If that happens to me I have missed the point. My son told me recently that it is hard to be a pastor's kid. He is only five. It served as both a reminder and a wake up call to me concerning the dangers of getting too wrapped up in what we do. I mentioned earlier that before I am a minister I am a man of God. Just behind that I am a husband and a dad. Both of those relational roles must take priority over my occupational role as a minister. Paul tells Pastor Timothy that if anyone does not provide for or take care of his own household he is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). While I realize that is within the context of teaching widows, I cannot deny the application to my own life.
Pastors, let us be honest for a moment. Regardless of what city or cities God calls you in which to pastor there will always be one common denominator. Your family will be there with you. When you turn the lights off at any church for the last time, make sure your spouse and children are still as strong by your side as they ever have been.
1. Putting my service for God ahead of my relationship with God.
There is a statement by Jesus in Matthew that has riveted me for years. He says that many will declare all the great things they have done for Him, yet He will respond by saying, "I never knew you" (Matthew 7:22-23). The danger of that becoming reality is much greater than we might realize. Our work for God can become so much of a higher priority than our own relationship. And it can happen so very quickly. I cannot tell you how many times I have justified reading the Bible for sermon preparation as being usable as my own personal time of devotions and study. I cannot tell you how many times I have justified that time spent praying for needs and people made me a person of prayer. The pitfall here is very real.
The disillusion sets in quickly and you can find yourself riding the swings of ministry rather than being stable as a man or woman of God. I personally hit a wall in this area when it seemed my entire Christianity came crashing down around me. It was based on my perception of failure in what I was doing for God. I felt abandoned and betrayed and it was all because my safety net of service was removed and there was nothing on which to land. In that time of despair and confusion, the Lord reached out to me and brought me back into a place of personal intimacy and relationship with Him. He did so with a simple question of "do you trust Me?" He wasn't asking me to trust Him for ministry. He was asking me to trust Him in my life as my personal Lord. He was asking me to trust Him in relationship with Him and allow that to define me and become more valuable than anything I ever did or could do for Him.
As a result I find myself in a place today where I minister out of a relationship with Him rather than trying to establish a relationship with Him by or through ministry. The shift has been dramatic and for me personally it has been awesome. I still wrestle with this slippery slope, but I am able to recognize it more quickly now. I do not want to go back to that place again.
Easier Said than Done
Ministry is not for the faint of heart. There are battles and challenges at every turn. Some of the battles are obviously external. Many, however, are internal and ones we would prefer to keep hidden from view. I honor and appreciate the ministers who honestly ranked these mistakes and battles. I have to admit it was difficult for me personally to honestly rank these areas. I often pride myself of having it all together, when I obviously do not. Yet I am reminded that I do not have to have it all together. I simply must be honest, real, and who I am in Him.
Remember, pastors and ministers, God is not afraid of your mistakes. God does not strike you down for them either. He is not in pursuit of your hand, your intellect or you ability. He is aggressively after your heart. When He has that all things work together for good in Him.
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